Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
