i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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