I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
