i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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