dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I didn't notice because vodka
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
