Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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