dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
