Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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