He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
