At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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