Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
