best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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