At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
