Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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