Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
