i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
