You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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