Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
