Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
