first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
