I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
