This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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