i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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