1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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