Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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