I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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