so that wasnt chicken after all
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's like God shit irony all over that family
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
