I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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