just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
