At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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