Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
