Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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