Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the day after is always just damage control
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
