Your face is a jimmy john
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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