rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
