I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
