i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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