You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
