Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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