just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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