I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
