I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
