i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
