My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
