Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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