Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
