she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
