I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
