Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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