So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
