I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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