My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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