she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
