they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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