I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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