we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
