You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
