you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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