Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
