Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
