He kissed a someone with a penis
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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