How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
