he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
