i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
whose parrot is this?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
