all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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