clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
