I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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