wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
