The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
