Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
